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Those of you who read this blog regularly might remember I’m a personal fitness trainer when I’m not writing romance novels. Every year around this time, I meet with each of my clients and we talk about how the previous year went for them, and we set goals for the coming year.
I want to share two conversations I’ve had over the years (with names and details changed for privacy, of course). I’m paraphrasing, but you’ll get the gist.
Client #1, I’ll call Margaret. She’s 70 years old and very fit. From the outside looking in, she has a great life. She’s retired, financially stable, has a great new husband, she’s healthy.
Me: Margaret, how did last year treat you?
Margaret: Oh, don’t get me started. I’m so glad this year is over. It was the worst year of my life.
I frown a bit here, wondering what I’d missed as I’d been training her all year.
She went on to tell me about some dental procedures she had that cost her a lot of money and were painful and time-consuming. She also mentioned a minor fender bender she’d been in that caused some damage to her new car.
Margaret: It was a horrible, horrible year.
Client #2 is Cathy. She’s 46, a single mom, and is about 50 pounds overweight. This after having gastric bypass surgery that year and almost dying from complications. One of her kids was also recently in a bad accident and spent weeks in the hospital.
Me: Cathy, tell me about your year. (I can almost expect what she’s going to say)
Cathy: It was a great year.
I blink in surprise.
Cathy: My daughter is doing great and is going to fully recover. And after all that mess with my surgery, I’m finally doing it the right way. I’ve learned how to eat right and I learned I actually like to exercise.
She told me about a few more good experiences (a raise at work, a new-to-her car, etc).
***
Now, of those two women, wouldn’t you have expected Cathy to say it was the worst year of her life, and that Margaret might have said it was a pretty good year, except for those sucky dental problems and the minor car accident?
Cathy took those sucky issues and focused on the good that came out of them. Margaret just looked for the bad. She “forgot” she just got married and had a fabulous honeymoon. She “forgot” that she reached some personal bests in her fitness level. She probably “forgot” a lot of other good things, too.
It’s all in how you look at things.
You can learn more about Rebecca and her writing at her website, blog, and Facebook.
Nothing knocks me out of the “poor me” funk than making a list of things I’m grateful for. Thanks for the gentle reminder this morning, Rebecca. After weeks of dealing with sick kids, I really needed it!
Hey Sharon,
I do this every night before I fall asleep: name 5 good things about the day. Sometimes, it’s really, really hard. But I can always find 5.
I hope your kids are doing better.
I had a similar experience with a former client. Because I drive a truck, I was helping him move a couple towns over. Says he, “The end times are coming when a homeless man has to move just to get a job at MacDonalds…” I thought he was joking at first, but no… I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “When a homeless man can make a single phone call to an old boss, and have a job waiting for him, no questions asked, the End Times don’t exactly come to mind.”
He has reasons for why drama and despair appeal so strongly to him, but it left me endlessly grateful that among the gifts I was simply born with is a certain complement of “half full,” and some resilience to go with it.
That is an awesome reply, Grace.
I always think of good comebacks…after the fact.
Some people just tend to look for the bad in their lives, and like to create drama where there really doesn’t have to be any.
Not sure where I first learned this, maybe my grandparetns I think – Happiness isn’t having everything you want, it’s being happy with everything you have. Sometimes all we need is a recalibration of our appreciation meter. Great post!
Love this!
It’s similar to what my dad used to say: “Success is having everything we need and a lot of what we want.”
I’m so glad I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl. Even when dealing with cancer, I kept thinking, well, it could be worse. (I will admit I did have some moments of poor-me, but just like rejection letters, I wallowed for a day and then moved on.)
I have a friend who does nothing but complain. And then she complains that all her kids do is complain. I wanted to shake her shoulders and say DON’T YOU SEE THE CYCLE?????
Abigail, I’m so glad you are doing better. What a great attitude you had/have.
I have some friends like that, too. Then I find MYSELF complaining more when I’m around them. I give myself a slap upside the head and get over it.
A fitting subject Rebecca. We’re currently struggling with aging parents; dad in and out of hospital and curmudgeonry on the highest order; largely due to loss of control and a life he knew the past 85 years. DW and I were commenting the other day on how men in general, when sick, tend to be “glass was never filled”. Must be that Y chromosome thing. I confess susceptibility to the glass half empty syndrome had been part of my early desire for perfection and order (how’s that for a pantser post child who avoids plotting as if it were a contagion). What keeps my glass half-full? DW, a shy angel who sees the sun every day, even if it’s raining.
I wonder how much of the “tude” affects our writing as well. How does a perpetually cheerful writer describe tragedy and pain when it’s needed in a story? Hard to show if you can’t really imagine it. Truly the brave optimist who digs into the sealed cave of inner misery and not leave the door open.
DT,
Ah, the struggle of dealing with aging parents. I’m not at that point yet, thank goodness, but I know so many who are. That’s got to be so difficult.
I think our attitude definitely affects my writing. I can look back over the years and tell what my life was life like by the stories I wrote.
Hang in there, buddy. And go give that awesome wife of yours a big hug for putting up with you LOL.
Wonderful responses all, to a situation I struggle with. I’m grateful for the tough words from friends that set me back on course when I need it. I remember when my father had just died of lung cancer, my mother was found to have ovarian cancer, my husband had lost his job and I was dealing with an impossible situation with the IRS. During that time the whole world was a black cloud, but I distinctly remember someone asking me if I’d been under a lot of stress during that time and I responded, not really, not more than anyone else.
Sometimes I think it’s more instinctive to dig down in dire situations and look for kernels of hope, and in easier times look past obvious reasons to be grateful. May we never take good friends, family, good health and all of our other blessings for granted.
“May we never take good friends, family, good health and all of our other blessings for granted.” Amen to that.
It really it how we look at things, isn’t it? I love your response that you were not under more stress than anyone else…during that really, really trying time in your life. That’s why you’re such a strong woman.
I’ve found I’m able to be more positive and upbeat during really stressful times than I am when everything is going pretty well. Which makes no sense. When times are tough, I look for the good. When times are good, I tend to focus on the little irritations. Why is that?
Thank you for this post today. It came at a most propitious time. I’m traveling on business and yesterday really was the travel day from hell. It took about 16 hours to get from DC to Seattle, with a long, unexpected layover in Los Angeles. Didn’t check in last night until 2:30 AM Pacific time — that’s just about the time I wake up every morning at home.
So I just stumbled out of bed, feeling jet lagged and groggy, facing a day of meetings that do not particularly inspire me. And I was getting myself in a mood until I dialed up Blame it on the Muse.
Thanks for helping me to look out my hotel window at the sun coming up over Elliot Bay. It’s a surprisingly clear day in Seattle (although they are calling for rain later, of course). I can the mountains this morning, and that’s rare in January. And my view of the Space Needle is downright spectacular. I have a new suit to wear to my meeting, and the hotel left a tray of goodies for me this morning that included fresh raspberries. You know, it doesn’t get much better than fresh raspberries, a cuppa Starbucks, and a fabulous view.
Hey Hope, and welcome to my neck of the woods.
Yesterday WAS a beautiful day here. I’m glad my words inspired you to enjoy the view outside your window yesterday morning.
I hope the rest of your day was just as beautiful. (And I bet you were smokin’ hot in that new suit!)
This is a wonderful post! I tend to get into a glass half-empty mood when I’m alone. It’s being with people that rejuvenates me and makes me realize what a totally full glass I really have. I always feel guilty for worrying and whining when things don’t go smoothly. I know I should always look at things in perspective. A good friend, however, told me not to feel guilty. “Our lives are our lives,” she said, “our life is all we know and when things are hard, they’re hard. Focus on fixing what you can.” The moral of that advice was to compare me to myself, not to anyone else. Am I doing the best I can and counting the blessings I have? I try to–but it helps to have great circles of friends who can remind me. Thanks, Rebecca!
Thanks Lizbeth.
I’m kind of the opposite of you. When I’m alone, that’s when I kick myself in the arse and remind myself of everything that’s great in my life. Not that I’m a Debby Downer when I’m with people (at least I hope I’m not LOL).
I love what your friend said to you. I think I’ll write that down and post it somewhere.