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Good morning! I had another topic I was supposed to talk about today, but since it’s my anniversary, I decided I would save it for another post and we could discuss romance, or to be more specific, what defines romance. True romance is different for everyone, I believe, but in books and on TV it tends to be elaborate and sweet, symbolized by chocolates and flowers. While those things are definitely nice—trust me, I would never say no to good chocolate—they are not the gestures that have kept my husband and me together for twenty years.
Yep, twenty years today. And while there are times when I want to send him out to his shop to do something—anything—to get him out of my hair, I will admit that when it’s all said and done, I wouldn’t trade a minute of the last twenty years. Nor would I trade him in for anyone else, no many how many chocolates and flowers they came bearing. See, my husband is not a flowers and chocolate kind of guy. Well, ok, he has been known to feed my chocolate habit, but that’s always been in self-preservation, not a romantic gesture. 
The things my husband does that melt my heart are picking up after himself; doing his best to make sure he never misses any of the kids soccer/basketball games, even when he has to leave work and then go back just to see them; making sure my car is always running and the tires always have air, because I tend to forget to check those things; keeping my computer in tip-top shape so I can write and surf the ‘net and blog and do whatever I feel like I need to be doing with my computer (he’s such a techie!); he reminds me to eat when I get involved in a story and lose all track of time and he reminds me to sleep so I won’t have as much trouble with my migraines; he’s encouraged me to go back to school so I can stay at home and work, giving me more time for my writing and for our kids; but most of all, he’s been there for twenty years, putting up with me every day, with my moods and my quirks. Do you have any idea what it’s like to live with a writer? What it’s like to live with someone who has conversations in their head with non-existent people, with someone who spends time researching the best ways to either kill someone or to hide the body, or someone who’s trying to come up with some new and interesting twist for a supernatural story and leaves books about urban legends, witchcraft and monsters lying about the house? And he never complains. He just moves the books off the table when it’s time for supper and hands me my computer when it’s time to write. Oh, my. I think I’m in love. <3.
Trish, it sounds like you’re one lucky lady. Congratulations on 20 years of bliss! I agree, I don’t think romance is something we can specifically define (though we sure do try hard enough, don’t we?). It’s just something that, in that instant, steals your breath, and you just *know*. At least, that’s what happened to me, 10 years ago next February.
Carla, I consider myself lucky–but don’t tell him. LOL. Romance is definitely one of those things that’s individual. Some people need chocolate and roses while others need other things. For me, I’ll take a man who loads the dishwaser any day! And I have been surprised by flowers on the rare occasion.
I’ve heard it said that Jesus and Bhudda were shoo-ins for enlightenment because they had no children, no in-laws, no spouse, and no earthly boss to aggravate them out of sainthood–but I do wonder what those poor, enlightened fellows did for romance, you know?
I suppose the point is, that they were enlightened enough that they didn’t need romance? Some days it would be nice not to have the aggravation of a boss, children and in-laws, but then the kids give me one of those rare out-of-the-blue hugs and I remember why they are worth it. As for the boss and in-laws, I plead the fifth.
Tricia~
Congrats on 20 years of wedded bliss. My DH and I are coming up fast on 21 years and he’s not the flowers and chocolate type either but I think he’s the most romantic guy around. He brings me coffee, does the laundry, cleans and remodels the house, works hard every day and is the best father I’ve ever seen. He also looks great in a tool belt and tells me he loves me every day. With all that, I don’t mind buying myself flowers and chocolate.
A man that looks good in a tool belt *sigh*. What more could you ask?
Tricia,
Making it to 20 years is a real accomplishment. Congratulations. My husband and I will be celebrating 33 years of wedded bliss on October 1. And, may I say, that he is most definitely a flowers and chocolates kind of guy. The flowers arrive every year on our anniversary and my birthday — two dozen long-stemmed red roses, without fail. The chocolates are M&Ms supplied whenever I feel a migraine coming on. In addition to all this, he’s a great father, fixes stuff around the house, is a whiz with the cars and has a fabulous sense of humor and sometimes talks dirty to me in a southern accent. He does not pick up after himself, but nobody’s perfect.
If only chocolate didn’t aggravate my migraines, he might bring me more. LOL. 33 years is great; and talking dirty in a southern accent? Sounds like you’ve got a keeper, as well.
Tricia,
Having met your hubby I do know how lucky you are. I still think he should give husband classes. ;~}
What better way to fuel your writing than a shining example of manhood. Congrats on your anniversary.
Hey–maybe that’s what he can do next year while he’s looking for work, give husband classes. Think anyone would sign up? LOL. I think he’d probably run far and fast from the idea, believing we were totally insane for coming up with it. I’d blame it all on you, naturally. *g*
Happy anniversary! My 23rd anniversary is on Sunday. Yay to us!
Your hubby sounds like a great guy. My hubby isn’t a roses and chocolate kind of guy either (although I wouldn’t mind some on occasion), but he puts up with me. I’m a writer. Enough said.
What I love most about him is his moral code–he knows what’s right, what he believes in. He’s full of integrity. He’s also a great father and works his a$$ off to provide for the family. He doesn’t nag me about going back to work full-time (I was a stay at home mom for 12 years and now I work part time) because he knows that would cut into my writing schedule and the house would be even messier. LOL
yeah, I think we’re both pretty lucky, eh, Tricia?
I definitely think we’re lucky! I do have to remind myself not to take it for granted sometimes, though. That’s a really easy place to slip into, and sometime hard to climb out of. Happy anniversary, a few days early!
Hey Tricia,
Congrats on 20 years! My guy’s not a traditional romantic either. One day I asked him why he didn’t bring me flowers anymore. His answer, “I don’t need to, we’re already married and besides, they’re a waste of money. All they do is die.” Of course after I managed to get back up off the floor I told him, “I guess that means we don’t have to have sex anymore either. We already have kids and all they do is ask for money.” That evening an arrangement of illegally cut flowers in a mason jar appeared at my bedside. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, grin, grin.
Deborah
Deborah, that is priceless! I absolutely love it! I bet that would get me flowers and chocolate, too!
Congratulations to Trish, Hope and Becky!
For some guys actions speak louder than words. My father would bring flowers on special occasions to my mother but one of the sweetest things he ever did was add a pantry and extension onto the kitchen while she was off visiting her sister in California. Or while she was gone he’d rent a carpet cleaner and clean the carpets. He bring her cards saying I know I don’t always tell you I love you, but I do.
Enjoy these special guys.